Recently I have noticed something of a fashion epidemic, quite literally sweeping the streets of Britain.  A growing number of women I see out and about the town, doing the food shop, filling up the car, in the queue at the post office, paying bills in the bank…all seem to be wearing a maxi dress.  Why?  Was an announcement put out which I missed?

Presumably the memo also stated that they must be worn with the obligatory cropped denim jacket and ethnic looking jewellery.  Chunky beads.  Big wooden necklaces.  Just another detail I’ve noticed in this curious phenomenon of late.

Don’t get me wrong, not all maxi dresses offend me, too much.  I think they have their place (preferably a summer evening somewhere hot with a summer cocktail being the only accessory required) but here in cloudy Britain I can’t help but feel like they look completely out of place.  At best there is just something a bit too wedding-day about them.  Well what’s wrong with that?  Because the thing about weddings is that in general they require a uniform which looks ridiculous out of the context they are intended for.  Especially when that context is dragging a shopping trolley over a damp and grubby car park, trying not to catch the billowing, tropical-flower printed fabric in the wheels.

Context aside, are they even really that kind to the female form?  They are all over the shops, taking over the magazines, convincing women they are wearable and flattering (which we all know is a nicer way of saying ‘slimming’).  But perhaps I am just missing the trick.  I don’t think so, but I do find it confusing; they make people look like they could be 6 months pregnant.  Now, there is not a thing wrong with looking 6 months pregnant.  I’m just not convinced why you would want to aspire to emulate that look on a regular basis.

Well I think it is safe to say I won’t be one of the maxi-devotees this summer.  In fact, I am off to buy myself a mini-dress in defiance.  Apparently they are the next big thing.

I am undecided on how I feel about a clear trench coat.  This one is from Topshop, at £55.  There are occasions when you have a great outfit on only to have to cover it all up when you leave the house because of trivial issues like warmth and keeping dry.  At least if the coat is see-through, you get to show off your outfit, which is always going to be a good thing.

On the other hand, the foggy plastic (which I imagine would get rather hot and uncomfortable very quickly) is going to distort the clothes underneath so you wouldn’t get the desired effect anyway.  I like the black piping, I like the shape, but it’s a shame they have left such visible pockets on this example.  Perhaps we can do without transparent outerwear after all, and just take along an umbrella.

Have you ever wished your wedges had an inbuilt ventilation system say in the form of perforated red plastic? No? Really? Neither have I.

If you wake up one morning and you do get that compulsion to incorporate a drawstring bag into your outfit, could I please, for the love of everything stylish, beg you not to do it on your feet

For some reason, can’t think why, all sizes are still available on the River Island website and in theory they can be yours for £30.

I’d also like to just point out that River Island have actually got pretty decent shoes aswell, probably the best on the high street in terms of diversity in style..it’s just that sometimes that diversity ends up with an example like these.